


Face The New

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Super Dangan Ronpa 2.5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Artificial Intelligence, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Dreams and Nightmares, Established Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insecurity, M/M, Mental Instability, Multi, Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, New Years, Post-Canon, Post-Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), Pre-Canon, Recovery, References to Illness, Romantic Fluff, Suggestive Themes, Two Minds One Body, some mentions of past hinanami
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-28 03:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: “Because the fact that you exist, that both of you still exist—is the most fortunate, wonderful thing.”A series of loosely connected short fics circled around Hinata Hajime, Kamukura Izuru and other variations. Several are loosely tied to New Year's, but not really all of them.(Written for The Hinata Project.)





	1. Reserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's desperate to get in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up writing these after all. Well, I'm still not done writing them, hhh. They're probably going to be pretty sloppy, but I tried. Awa.
> 
> Later fics are going to be more shippy but this one for now is pure gen, exploring Hinata pre-HPA. I honestly really have to wonder how the hell HPA found him if he didn't pay to get in (and I think that's just not a very sensible plot point) but I came up with this and... It's different from what I normally write. A lot of it is forum messages and messaging. Sorry if the format is weird. I hope you enjoy it all the same.
> 
> I really should write more Reserve!Hinata... :V

The last wish he made on New Year’s was a simple one.

_I want to get into Hope’s Peak._

But of course that  would never happen.

“Can’t you dream more realistically, Hajime? Do you have any idea how expensive Hope’s Peak actually is? We can’t afford that.”

“I... I know that, but...”

“If you know then why are you burdening us with this? Please. Just think about other people besides yourself for once.”

 “...sorry.”

His mother sighs, but ruffles his hair in a show of affection.

“You current high school isn’t so bad, right? You can make good friends here, and it’s a fine school.”

“I guess it’s...decent,” he mumbles.

“Just don’t even worry about Hope’s Peak anymore,” she tells him. “It’s impossible, and it can’t be helped. Keep your chin up. Okay?”

“...fine...”

Because he knew, after all, that she had a point. They couldn’t afford it. And he wasn’t talented. It was a pipe dream to attend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

_Still..._

* * *

For his birthday, he was given a new laptop to replace the old. It was a fairly recent model. Pretty expensive. Likely compensation. He can’t say he didn’t like it.

He wasn’t ungrateful. He doesn’t think so.

_It’s just that I admire Hope’s Peak more than anything._

So much so that he finds himself on the forums first thing.

**> Does anyone have any idea who’s going to be in the upcoming batch?**

**> They haven’t finished scouting, right? Oh, but I just saw on the news that an actual princess was accepted! Hope’s Peak really can get in anyone!**

**> Wow, actual royalty?!**

**> There’s this photographer I follow. She’s getting in, too, I’m pretty sure.**

**> I just saw Saionji Hiyoko-san’s performance last week. I’m positive she’s getting in.**

**> I’m more interested in the princess. Can you imagine how lucky it would be to meet an actual princess?**

**> >They’ll be running the lottery in a month or so. What I would give to have more of a chance...**

**> Wow, they’re doing that again?**

**> With how much getting into the reserve course costs, you probably have a better chance with the lottery...**

**> But if you win the lottery, you’re actually considered talented. Reserves are just...y’know, reserves.**

**> But you’ll get to meet the princess, potentially. I think the money’s worth it, even if all I can do is steal a glance!**

**> Still... Seems so lame that you can just pay your way in...**

**> But brand name recognition is pretty powerful...**

**> >I heard you can actually get into the main course from the reserve course if you do well enough.**

**> No way! That’s a pipe dream! Maybe if you paid like, twice as much!**

**> Must be nice to be rich, huh...**

Hinata stares, wondering what to type, but also letting the thoughts swirl around in his head.

**> >I would do anything to get into Hope’s Peak. But my family just can’t afford that.**

**> Yeah, mine neither. Who actually can?**

**> You’d be surprised... They’re getting a lot of enrollments.**

**> You can’t like...get a scholarship or anything? It’s not like you need to go to college after attending Hope’s Peak.**

**> Well the golden gates can’t open that wide, I suppose...**

**> It’s for the best. If just about anyone could get in, it wouldn’t be that special.**

Hinata bites his lip, picking at the peeling skin with his teeth.

**> >Still. I want to get in more than anything.**

**> If you aren’t talented, it can’t be helped.**

**> >I would give anything.**

**> Pffft. No kidding. I’d give an arm and a leg, probably.**

**> >I would give anything.**

**> A lot of people would.**

**> You’re like a super fan, huh. Well, I am, too, but still...**

**> >Getting into Hope’s Peak has always been my dream.**

**> Everyone wants to be special, man.**

**> But if everyone was special then no one would be special.**

**> It can’t be helped. You’re either born talented or you aren’t.**

**> Right?! I must have spent hours drawing but there was always that one person I could just never compare to. It’s hopeless!**

**> You shouldn’t say hopeless on the Hope’s Peak forums!**

**> Haha, sorry!**

**> >I’ve never been talented. There’s not one thing I’m particularly good at.**

**> Normie...**

**> >But I want to get into Hope’s Peak Academy... More than anything.**

**> Give it up. For your own good. Wishing for the impossible isn’t healthy.**

**> Hey, don’t tell him that! What if he ends up winning the lottery?**

**> Yeah, right!**

**> >I’m not particularly lucky, either.**

**> Luck’s not a talent anyway.**

**> Are you sure? I’ve known people who get ridiculously lucky while gambling...**

**> If they gamble too much, that luck’s bound to run out. And I bet they’re not that lucky, they just brag a lot.**

**> That might be true... Still it would be nice just to get into Hope’s Peak by chance...**

**> Whoever wins that lottery probably is ridiculously lucky considering how many people are participating. We’re talking like, every high school student in their first year in the country.**

**> Sucks to be other countries, huh.**

**> Maybe someday but for now, I like not having that much competition.**

**> Still a ridiculous amount competing...**

**> I bet it’ll be someone who can afford the reserve course if they haven’t already enrolled.**

**> No fair! That kind of thing should disqualify you immediately!**

**> >I just...want to get in...**

**> Yeah we all do. But it’s impossible.**

**> Impossible.**

**> Totally impossible.**

**> Pigs will fly first.**

**> I heard some Ultimates actually can make some crazy shit. We might see flying pigs pretty soon.**

**> That’s terrifying.**

**> >I just want to get in.**

**> You should get offline.**

He should. He really, really should.

_Is it really impossible?_

**_“Of course it is,”_** he can practically hear them murmur. **_“Not only are you untalented, you can’t afford it! And you’re going to win the lottery, either!”_**

Hinata buries his face into his hands, shuddering.

_I just... I **just**..._

* * *

To his surprise, he later receives a DM. Shivering, he clicks it open.

**> Would you really do anything for Hope’s Peak?**

He doesn’t recognize the name of the sender but...it looks official.

**> >Yes. Of course. Why?**

**> There actually is a program you can sign up for that will get you in without having to pay a coin.**

Hinata blinked once. Twice.

_It’s way too good to be true._

But he’s desperate. Beyond desperate.

**> >What is this program? How can I sign up?**

**> Here’s the information.**

* * *

What he’s about to do is how people get themselves abducted, he’s pretty sure. But right now, he’s desperate and... If it really was someone associated with Hope’s Peak, how bad can it be? What’s the worse than can happen?

_I already have no chance getting in. I know that... But..._

His heart was pounding as he took the train. He stared out the window, at HPA’s towering buildings in the distance, getting closer and closer, and he sucks in his breath.

It’s so shining that it hurts to look at.

_Shining like a dream..._

* * *

“Ah, Hinata-kun, you made it after all. So you have the necessary information?”

“Uh... Yes...” Truth be told, he didn’t understand most of it. There were a lot of words that were hard to read and pretty...advanced. “I just...well you said you couldn’t explain everything in just files, so...”

The other looked pretty professional. Sharply dressed and smiling in a way that at least seemed pretty welcoming. But...still pretty intimidating, considering the circumstances. Hinata ducked his head, feeling rather flustered.

“Yes, it’s meant to be kept very tightly under wraps, you see,” they laugh. “I need to assure confidentiality before explaining, Hinata-kun. Surely you understand.”

_That’s...weird._

But it made his blood thrum with excitement to be a part of.

“I... Y-Yes, of course. Absolutely... Of course...”

“Sign this form, then, promising that.”

“O-Of course...!”

He scribbles down his signature without a second thought. The other smiled more, pleased. Hinata squirmed in his seat, and tried to keep his posture straight.

With that, the other sat across from him, polite and yet...expectant.

_Ah... Hah..._

“So you’re willing to do anything for this school,” they say, voice almost light but also dense with significance. “Might I ask why?”

“It’s...as I said on the forums,” Hinata mumbles, fiddling with his tie. Even dressed professionally for this would-be interview, he feels underdressed. “I’ve always admired this school. Always. It’s always been my dream to...to go there...”

The other nods, expression unchanged.

“And why do you wish so badly to go there, despite not having a talent that can be cultivated?”

Hinata flinched.

“T-That’s...! I...” He hesitates, but he soon finds the words just spilling out. “I just want to be someone I can be proud of. Someone who can stand tall. Be confident. Be significant. Isn’t that what I _deserve_?”

“Isn’t that what everyone deserves?”

Hinata’s nails dig into his palms.

“I admire Hope’s Peak...more than anyone. I will give whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.” His teeth grit. “Whatever it takes... W-Whatever it takes...!”

_Even though I know it’s selfish and impossible, I just...!_

He just wanted to be someone. Someone other than... _this_.

Unimportant. Unremarkable. A faceless, meaningless part of the mass. The idea of being consumed by mediocrity and insignificance for the rest of his life, never to matter, never to even be remembered, just to disappear, just like he never even existed—

“I’ll do...w-whatever...it takes...” He’s shaking, eyes wide and crazed. “Whatever it takes... Whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.”

“Ah. I see.” An easy smile. And yet, the atmosphere felt so heavy that it was near suffocating. “Very well then, Hinata-kun. That’s exactly the kind of attitude we’re looking for.”

Hinata lit up.

“R-Really?” He dares to let hope slip into his tone. “D-Do you really mean it?”

A nod.

“Hinata-kun... If you could be reborn from the faceless body of a miserable nobody into the world’s hope... Would you?”

“That...sounds too good to be true...” His heart really was racing, but he was flushed with excitement. “But... Y-Yeah... I... Of course...”

“Then, allow me to tell you about how that can be possible. If you agree, you’ll be accepted into the school, free of charge, no talent necessary. In fact, it’s even essential that you _be_ talentless.”

_I...don’t understand._

He doesn’t understand but it just sounds so incredible that he can’t help but be swayed.

“...tell me.”

“Very well.”

A folder of files is placed before him. They look too important to grasp. And the stamped out letters of **_CONFIDENTIAL_** stare back into his wide-eyed, shimmering gaze.

Fingers trembling, Hinata actually slices his finger open as he flips it open.

He doesn’t even feel the sting, as engrossed as he is in the text.

“I...”

The words swirl around in his head, over and over until he drowns in them.

“Do you need time to think about it?” the other asks him kindly. So kindly that Hinata is struck cold. “Tell you what... You can still get into the reserve course. You don’t have to say yes right away, and the deadline will be in a few months from now. You can attend classes here until then...and then make your decision on whether or not you’re willing to stay. Okay?”

“I... O-Okay.” Hinata swallows. “That’s... I’m okay with that.”

_I said I’d do anything. And I do...want to do anything. But..._

His hands are shaking while still gripping the files.

_I can’t...let this chance slip by...even if it’s something like this. This is everything I ever wanted. Why am I even hesitating?_

“It’s alright,” the other says reassuringly, taking the files away with ease. “Hinata-kun, I know you’ll make the best decision for yourself.”

_For...myself. Myself..._

“I...yes.”

“I’ll have them send in your acceptance letter and uniform.” His hand is shook, the grip warm and calloused. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Hinata-kun.”

“A-A pleasure... Yeah.”

Just like that, Hinata was stumbling out of Hope’s Peak, trembling and falling to pieces with every shaky step.

_I have to do it, he can’t help but think. I have to do it, for...for myself..._

This was going to be the year his life changed irreparably. He was sure of it.


	2. First/Last (Before Despair)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's dragged to a festival for New Year's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next fic! The prompt was supposed to be "despair" but I saw the GraffArt of Kamu in his kimono for New Year's and I squealed until I died. So we get this instead. Because I have no self-control, it's got Matsun in it. Yeah. I wanted to write something with Servant and the WoH but maybe later... For now there's this. It's cute. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I wish Matsuda could get GraffArt stuff. ;; It's just no fair. Matsun... Awah...

For his first New Year’s, he had no wishes to make. Predictable. Expectable. Terribly boring.

But the day before had started differently, even if it remained expectably.

“Most of the other researchers are going home for the holidays,” Matsuda Yasuke mutters, running irritated fingers through his hair. “But the idea of just leaving your miserable ass here doesn’t sit right. So let’s go out.”

“...you did not wish to spend New Year’s alone?” he asks, droning. “So boring. And sentimental.”

“Fuck right off, this is why I’m only sparingly nice to you.” Matsuda scowled at him, shuffling his hands into his pockets. “Are you going or not? Because I totally can spend New Year’s on my fucking own. I’ve done that before because my bitch childhood friend gets tied up with her shitty modeling career.”

“Boring.”

“We’re fucking going.”

Kamukura just stares, but Matsuda snatches up his wrist and pulls him up.

“We’re _going_.”

Just like that, things were decided.

* * *

Matsuda’s apartment was organized, chaos, and organized chaos as always. The floors were swept, but the desks and some of the shelves were a mess. Compared to his own room, it really was quite the striking difference.

But now, he’s so familiarized with it that he’s bored by it.

Except. There is something different.

“Shit... Fuck... Where did I put the damn thing...?”

Matsuda is rummaging through piles of clothes and through his college, grimace deepening as his searches continue to come up empty-handed. Whatever it is, Kamukura knows he could find it quickly, but Matsuda hates when others disturb his belongings from their already disastrous state.

That said, he is curious as to what it could be. If he were to make an accurate guess, however, it would be...

“Your kimono...correct? You did not think to hang it up?”

“I know where _that_ is,” Matsuda snaps at him. “It’s being hung to dry outside. I spilled water on it earlier.”

Kamukura blinked.

“...I was wrong?”

“Yeah dead fucking wrong. Congrats. Hopefully that’s your last mistake of the year or what the hell ever... AHA! Found it!”

While Kamukura was still dazed in the sensation of wrongfulness, Matsuda pulls out what looked to be packaged...clothing. What was _definitely_ a packaged kimono.

“...”

“I-I picked it up at a convention,” Matsuda grumbles to him. “They had a bunch of these. It’s kind of like a mystery box except there’s vague descriptions written on them. It’s your size. So here.”

He tosses him the packaged kimono.

“Let’s see how it would look on you. We can iron it out later.” He claps. “Chop, chop.”

Kamukura only stares, squinting at the words scribbled on.

**‘Mostly Emo Phase.’**

“I see...” He knew what to expect, then. How boring. He still tore it open and pulled out the black kimono. There were some smears of white in places, but it was mostly black. Mostly. Indeed. “How boring...”

“Just put it on, dick,” Matsuda huffed. “I spent like, four fucking thousand yen on that shit.”

“Mm...” He sets it aside and begins to undress. Scowling, Matsuda covers his eyes, cheeks reddening. Even though he’s most certainly seen Kamukura naked before. Kamukura would remark, but Matsuda would throw something at him if he did. “Mm.”

So, he just dresses into the kimono. He ties himself properly and smooths out the wrinkles.

“Matsuda Yasuke.”

Matsuda uncovers his eyes, and perks up, lips twisting.

“Huh. Yeah. Just as I thought. It actually suits you pretty well.” He hums, head tilting. “Yeah. That’s an acceptable look. Did you want your hair put up, too, or...whatever? Because all I have are actual chopsticks.”

“It does not matter,” Kamukura says. And then, after a pause, he adds, “Just as it is should be fine.”

“Yeah. Figured. Well, then that’s settled.” Matsuda nods with an air of finality. “Now, let’s just iron out those wrinkles.”

In the blink of an eye, Kamukura had untied his obi and let the robes slide down his bare shoulders. Matsuda went red immediately and yelled.

“H-Have _some_ fucking shame and patience, for **_fuck’s_** sake, Kamukura!”

“So boring...”

* * *

After throwing several clothes at him, Kamukura ended up stealing some and wore one of Matsuda’s shirts instead of his uniform. Matsuda couldn’t stop him from doing so but was fuming all the while, more steamed than the iron as he worked.

“It’s too fucking small for you...”

“Yes it is.” Kamukura tugged at his shirt collar and instead, the fabric was tight on his chest. “But I do not care. It would be boring to change again, back into the uniform.”

“You probably need to get that thing replaced anyway,” Matsuda mutters. “You’re not the same size as the person who wore it anymore, so it probably doesn’t fit right either.”

“...that is so. Yes. I do not care.”

Matsuda sighs. “At least the kimono fit you, I guess. I’ll look into getting you a fitting uniform, too... I guess.”

In times like this, Matsuda always was more quiet and deep in thought. If Matsuda were a lesser individual, he would have likely burned the kimono with such distractions. But Matsuda Yasuke’s focus was unparalleled among his peers. Kamukura himself excluded, of course.

_It is no wonder he works with the researchers._

Whenever he thinks about such things, it puts him in a lesser mood.

“And...there.” Matsuda finishes with his work, all the same, flicking off the iron and pulling back. Then, he gives Kamukura a look. “What the hell’s gotten you all sullen all of a sudden?”

“It does not matter,” Kamukura replies. “Not at all.”

Matsuda raises an eyebrow but rolls his eyes and just lets it be.

“Well. We’ll give your kimono time to cool off. And mine should be about dry.”

“I have high heat resistance,” Kamukura reminded him. “I will not be burned.”

“Yeah but it would be boring to change again so quickly, right?” Matsuda pointed out, sneering. “So why not wait?”

There was nothing to say to that. Satisfied, Matsuda went and fetched his kimono, still chattering all the while.

“I bought this, too. Its description was _River Rafting_. Yeah, it looked exactly how you would expect.”

Predictably, the kimono was various gradients of darker blues. However, it was also decorated with embroidered vertical waves of white, surrounded by embroidered autumn leaves of red. Matsuda hangs it up, and notes his staring.

“What? Don’t think it’ll suit me? I already know it fits, for your information.”

“I can tell that it will fit,” Kamukura replied. “So it is not that.”

Matsuda huffed.

“Hm, hm. Whatever.”

The matter was dropped quickly with Matsuda instead focusing on heating up some instant noodles for the both of them.

“I know you’ve gotten all your nutrients, but those fuckheads don’t give you actual meals.”

“This is not a meal either and you should know that.”

“Shut the hell up.”

Kamukura does, quiet as Matsuda prepares the noodles and sets them out.

“Say thank you for the meal anyway.”

“It is not a meal.”

“Boo, you whore. I think I’ll wish for you to learn some damn manners this upcoming year.” Matsuda slurps. “By the way, think up a wish for what you want to happen to write down. It can be anything. Maybe a goal?”

“I do not have those,” Kamukura said simply.

“Make up one, then.”

“Boring.”

“Bitch. You could at least _try_ , y’know.”

“No point.”

“The point is that it fucking creates one. Y’know, a reason to keep going. All that shit.” Matsuda glowered at him. “For the Ultimate Savant, you really are a fucking idiot. Then again, you might as well be an infant.”

“I am almost fully developed even if I have not fully matured.”

“See? That’s just such a childish fucking response.” Matsuda hummed. “You don’t have to dream big. Hell, pretty much anything is possible for you. So really, you can wish to achieve anything and probably...will. Must be nice to have that level of certainty.”

“...” Kamukura’s frown deepened. “Actually, it is boring.”

“Yeah, figures...” Matsuda chewed noisily on his food. “Whatever. Can’t say I don’t try when it comes to you. Because someone has to.”

* * *

Matsuda changed in one of the rooms, evidently not trusting him to keep his gaze averted, and he wore the kimono haphazardly as expected, yawning as he does. Kamukura, of course, was already changed and obediently waiting for him.

“Alright. Good to go? So let’s get going.” Matsuda gestures with his hand. “Come, come.”

Kamukura follows without saying anything else.

_New Year’s... That was when my old self had been born. But for someone like myself, birthdays do not matter._

“The countdown is going to be pretty loud, but I brought ear plugs just in case I get too annoyed...” Matsuda trails off. “Oh, but, don’t let me forget to tell you happy birthday when the clock strikes midnight.”

“...very well.”

_It does not matter._

“Don’t forget.”

“I will not.”

_It does not matter at all._

* * *

“Here you go. Happy birthday.”

Matsuda gives him a packet, scratching his cheek as he does.

“It’s just money,” he mumbles. “Don’t spend it all in one place, alright? Since I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to get you, I decided to just...leave it to you.” He shrugs. “So. Buy whatever you want, Kamukura.”

“From the confines of my room?” Kamukura asks, dully.

“You can escape those walls whenever,” Matsuda shoots back, unimpressed. “You’re not trapped there and we both know it. Hell, you’re _outside_ , right now.”

Right now, under the night sky and twinkling stars of the New Year. There were fireworks going off in the distance, but Matsuda didn’t like the crackling noises. So here they were instead, where it was a little quieter and a little more isolated.

Matsuda had given him money. What a boring...low effort gift...as expected from him.

“...thank you.”

“Huh? You’re actually expressing gratitude? Gross. That doesn’t suit you at all.”

“I suppose not,” Kamukura murmurs, grip tightening just the slightest bit on the money packet. “I suppose.”

Somehow, he predicted that he would never get to spend it. There being nothing he wished to buy aside, he had...a particularly strong feeling that this would be the case.

(It turned out to be so, when the world began to fall apart later that year.)

But he did not have suspicions that ran quite that deep quite yet.

(That was for the better, considering Matsuda would not be with him anymore, after that point.)

* * *

Predictably, Matsuda falls asleep on the train ride back, and he does not even wake up once they’ve reached their stop. Kamukura carries him the rest of the way, and his sleep remains unstirred.

He lays Matsuda in his bed, idly fixing his kimono so that it looked more proper. More appropriate. Not that it really truly mattered.

_He looks different when dressed correctly. It actually does not suit him._

Matsuda drooled while he slept, but sometimes his face would pinch up. Sometimes, Matsuda would have troubled dreams from stress. Kamukura stroked the tenseness from his brow, allowing Matsuda to once more relax.

“Mm...” Matsuda shifts, rolling onto his side with a sigh. “Hhhnn...”

Kamukura stares, and then he undresses him for the sake of comfort. It would be a shame, after all, if Matsuda wrinkled the kimono past the point of no return. He is quick to cover Matsuda with a blanket afterwards. Not that it mattered. Or anything.

(Not like any of this would matter.)

Kamukura hangs the kimono back up, and then turns his attention back to his own.

“...”

_Matsuda Yasuke can keep it for me._

So, he undresses as well and stores it lovingly in a place that it would hopefully remain.

(And remain it did. He did not have to search for it afterwards.)

“...”

He still does not wish to change back into his uniform, but considering he would need to return, he would have to change.

(Matsuda Yasuke kept his word on getting him a new one that was more fitting, at the very least. At the very least.)

Kamukura changes, and then Matsuda murmurs into his sleep. Pausing, Kamukura casts him a glance.

“...”

_I do not want to leave. I do not wish to return._

But he simply had no choice in the matter. Hope’s Peak would make Matsuda Yasuke’s life hell if Kamukura disappeared, even if it were for a short time.

_How despairing._

For now, he keeps the money packet with him, at least. He only briefly glances at the kimono one last time before stepping out.

(“It suits you,” he's later told cheerfully, accompanied by a poisonous smile, full of despair.)


	3. Island Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's directionless and unsure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just my OTP being cute, lol. I just like writing these two interacting, even if all they're doing is rambling at each other. Not really sure what else to say here. It's a lot of fluff.
> 
> Hopefully it's still good, aha.

He wasn’t sure how long they were going to stay here, be it months or even years.

“U-Urgh...”

Admittedly, thinking about it too hard made him just a little sick.

“What am I supposed to do...?” The ceiling provided him with no answers, nor did the walls. Or the bed. Or the floor. Or the _camera_. “Urgh!”

Hinata yanked the curtains of the bed closed before flopping back face-first into the plush surface.

“Just what am I supposed to do...?”

_I just... This was supposed to be my dream. This was what I wished would happen, more than anything, on my birthday. And what happened was...! Completely crazy and incomprehensible! Urgh!_

He muffles a scream. And another.

_Could my fortune have been any fucking worse?!_

After that thought, there was a rhythmic knock on the door.

“Hinata-kun? Hi-na-ta-kun!”

Hinata groaned.

“Just...leave me alone...”

“Aww, don’t be like that.” Hinata could hear the knob twist and the door pushed open. “You didn’t even lock the door, Hinata-kun!”

“...whatever,” he responded blearily to the moving shadow beyond the bed’s curtains. “I’m really not in the mood for anything, Komaeda.”

Komaeda’s writhing, curly-top shape only drew closer, and the curtain was tugged aside.

“Still?” he asks.

“Still,” Hinata dryly replies.

Komaeda peeks through, a gray-green eye sparkling with expectation.

“That’s just not befitting behavior for an Ultimate!”

Hinata’s only intelligent response is to groan and bury his face into the sheets.

“Who caaaares?”

_I don’t even remember my talent._

Komaeda shoves the curtain aside.

“That simply will not do, Hinata-kun! No, no, no!”

Surprisingly cold hands grip his wrist and pull with an even more shocking amount of strength, considering how thin those fingers were.

“You’re not going to waste away in here! I won’t allow it!” Komaeda digs in his heels, yanking with all his strength, admirable in the face of Hinata’s resistance. “Come on, Hinata-kun! Up on your feet! As an Ultimate, you must...stand tall…!”

Tiredly, Hinata glanced upwards to take in Komaeda’s face, pinched up and flushed with exertion. Admirably, Komaeda had dragged him at least half-off the bed.

“Come on, Hinata-kun! Face the future! Face the sun! It’s not just your namesake but your destiny...!”

And then, just like that, Hinata gripped his wrist and yanked him back, earning a high-pitched yelp. Just like that, both of them were on the bed, Komaeda trembling like a leaf in his tight embrace.

“H... Hinata-kun...?” The stammered out name was muffled against Hinata’s shoulder, and Hinata seemed content, face buried in his hair. “Hey...”

“This is supposed to be a heart-pounding school trip, right?” Hinata murmurs, voice low. “So shouldn’t this be fine? Let’s stay like this, Komaeda.”

“W-Who _are_ you?!”

No answer. Hinata just squeezed him tighter and closer, nuzzling him as he sighs. And then he snores.

“ _Wah_ , Hinata-kun...!”

* * *

Komaeda managed to get him outside after all, and both of their cheeks were flushed, albeit for different reasons. Komaeda was rubbing and wringing his hands, giggling almost manically.

“As the Ultimate Mystery... You really are full of surprises, Hinata-kun!”

“I...” _What even came across me back there? Was I possessed? What the hell? God, Komaeda actually hits really hard._ “Yeah. I... Sorry about that. Sorry.”

“It’s okay!” Komaeda beams in a way that there’s no doubting it. “Still, you really shouldn’t need someone like me pushing you forward. That’s just so improper!”

“I think...considering the situation...” Wow, his cheek really stung. Hinata winces as he rubs it. “It’s pretty understandable I not be equipped to deal with everything on my own. Right away.”

“It wasn’t right away,” Komaeda pointed out innocently. “You were in your cottage for a few days.”

“...I mean...” Hinata sputters. “S-Still...” He grimaces more as he shields his eyes from the piercing sunlight. “It’s just a lot. Like...a lot, a lot. No one could be prepared for something like...all this.”

“Perhaps not, but you are an Ultimate,” Komaeda chirped. “So you’re a lot more capable! Although perhaps not remembering your talent would be a bit of a hindrance...”

“Just...a bit. Yeah.” Hinata squeezes his eyes shut but it’s still so red that it hurts. “Urgh... This year was supposed to be...”

“Year?”

“It was supposed to be one where...everything clicked into place, right?” _Why am I not sure? Then again, I don’t remember my talent. That probably didn’t help._ “At the beginning of this year... My only goal was to get into Hope’s Peak.”

“Oh, I remember my fortune for New Year’s!” Komaeda claps with delight. “It predicted astronomical disaster beyond scientific comprehension and endless turmoil! Isn’t that exciting and also really horrifying?”

Hinata blinked a few times. “That sure is...horrifying. Yeah.”

“I then won a lottery. And then got in the news. By being held up at a heist. Terrifying...but also so exciting...!” Komaeda cups his cheek, giggling as Hinata shuffles uncomfortably beside him. “It really was something...”

“Terrifying...indeed.” He can’t really think of what other remark he’s supposed to make. But Komaeda is smiling brightly, and against the shining blue sky above, it really is just too much to take.

“I’m really excited for what will happen here, too, in this utterly ridiculous situation,” Komaeda goes on, skipping forward. “It’s completely unpredictable! Isn’t that really exciting? Certainly not boring!”

Hinata’s grimace deepens.

“All I wanted was to get into Hope’s Peak. That was my one and only dream.”

_And all this happened._

“Then...this is the best and worst luck, right?”

“Huh?” That takes Hinata aback. “What do you mean?”

“Well, achieving your dream is definitely good luck, but being thrown into a situation beyond comprehension is bad luck... However while the worst luck is having no direction, the best luck is having the world open up to a degree you never imagined.” Komaeda laughs. “Well, that’s just me rambling. Mind you, something as menial as luck can’t matter too much to someone like you.”

_Someone like me._

There was a lite rustle in the breeze, tousling Komaeda’s hair in what could have been an affectionate gesture.

“Still, the future awaits,” Komaeda says, hands just as animated as his sparkling gaze. “And it’s going to be shining and wonderful, even in the darkest pits of uncertainty. Don’t you think so?”

“...I don’t.”

“Ahaha, right, right, I’m just rambling like a loon...” Komaeda turns away, seemingly flustered. “Sorry about that, Hinata-kun. Please, um, don’t pay me any more mind.”

“...”

Hinata reached out, tugging on his sleeve.

“You’re the one who woke me up,” he said. “So take responsibility.”

“O-Oh I could never...!” Komaeda waves his hands frantically. “After all, a mite like me...! I’ll just let you down, Hinata-kun! But, um, of course, if you insist, I guess I have no choice, huh?” A sigh; Komaeda looking disappointed and slightly exasperated. “Still, I would strongly advise against it, you know...”

“You really do get worked up way too easily, Komaeda.” It was worrying most of the times but—admittedly, sometimes it was pretty cute, too. “Let’s get something to drink. It’s pretty hot out, huh?”

“Huh? Is it?” Komaeda blinks back at him, donning that heavy green coat without a care. “I didn’t really notice.”

“Of course you didn’t.”

Exasperation aside, he still drags Komaeda along with him.

“Come on.”

“Okay, Hinata-kun!”

* * *

In the air-conditioned hotel, Hinata was once again struck by just how much he actually wanted to sleep.

_A lot of this really is just...too much to take in at once. Not to mention Komaeda’s ramblings... Well, it’s not like I care that much. If I did, I wouldn’t have him near me._

Right now, Komaeda was blissfully quiet, enjoying his Blue Ram in serenity. He seemed to be enjoying just that drink so much that Hinata couldn’t help but envy him.

_...the best and worst luck... I still don’t know if luck is even real, much less a talent, but... I know well enough that it’s significant to Komaeda, all the same._

It was something the other believed in, so wholeheartedly that it was embarrassing for Hinata to think about how he had nothing remotely comparable.

_I... Hope’s Peak was what I admired...and wanted to be a part of... But... I got accepted...and now I’m here..._

“Y’know,” he finds himself saying. “Utter weirdness of this place aside, it’s not...wrong to call it a tropical island paradise...or whatever.”

“Mmm, mm!” Those could’ve just been general sounds of joy or an agreement. Hinata wasn’t fully sure.

“With that in mind... I should just relax, right? Even you’ve said that before. I just...shouldn’t worry.”

“Mmm...” Komaeda meets his gaze levelly. “I didn’t say that you shouldn’t worry at all, Hinata-kun. At least some concern is necessary.”

“Yeah...” _No matter how you look at it, it’s a beyond abnormal situation. Of course I can’t help but question it. And wonder about it._ “But the thing is I...”

_I don’t remember my talent, but I remember the goal I had. The dream I achieved. I feel beyond unsettled._

And yet, Komaeda just looks at him expectantly, unperturbed.

“If I achieved what I wanted this year... I wonder what I should do for next year? T-That kind of thing.”

“That’s pretty far in the future,” Komaeda pointed out. “Well, I told you to face that, but still, Hinata-kun, I’m a little surprised. You really are full of surprises.”

Hinata got flustered at that. “N-Not really. It’s pretty obvious why that kind of thing would weigh on me.”

_New Year’s is my birthday, after all. Even if the rest of the world forgets that, there’s no way I can. Something like that._

Komaeda gives him a knowing smile, and Hinata feels his cheeks heat up even more.

“You’re right,” he says cheerfully. “It is pretty obvious why Hinata-kun would be concerned with that.”

“Y...” Hinata swallows. “Yeah. Obvious. Like I said.”

Komaeda laughs.

“I think...that you’ll be fine, Hinata-kun,” he says. “Even if you can be awkward and bumbling, you have potential.”

_Potential... That’s...a pretty weak compliment._

“Just keep on facing forward,” Komaeda goes on. “Now that you’ve achieved your dream, you can find happiness in other ways. The world’s opened up quite a bit to you. Take full advantage of it.”

**_Ba-dump._ **

“Oh, but thank you so much for the soda!” Komaeda goes on to exclaim with an almost childlike glee. “It’s for reasons like this that I really, really, really like you, Hinata-kun!”

“D... Don’t just say that so easily, sheesh...” Urgh, if his cheeks weren’t burning to the point of being dizzying before... “Honestly, Komaeda, you’re just a little _too_ open.”

“Oh, I apologize!”

“That’s not...really something you _need_ to apologize for.” Hinata rubs at his nape. “It’s just an observation.”

“Aha, is that all it is?” For some reason, Komaeda didn’t sound like he believed him. But he got up to throw away their now finished drinks. “Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s a beautiful day out, so we can focus on other things. More important things! Right, right?”

When Hinata opened his mouth, a rumble of thunder answered instead.

“Ah... Oh...” Komaeda runs to the window and visibly deflates. “Oh, no.”

“Is it storming?” _Tropical storming?_ “I guess we’ll have to stay in, huh?”

“Sorry,” Komaeda replied meekly. “Ahaha, looks like it...”

“It’s fine.” _Someone like me probably needs something like this happening on their vacation to actually relax._ “Let’s just...talk more, or something. Maybe we can figure out my talent?”

Komaeda lights up.

“Maybe...!” He bounces back, just like that, with enough enthusiasm that it was comparable to a wagging tail. “Have we actually crossed out Ultimate Tsun?”

“T-That’s not a talent...”

“Oh, guess not! Then again, luck’s not a talent either, haha!” Komaeda’s bright as always, and Hinata can’t help but smile in response. “Don’t worry! I’m sure it’s a wonderful talent!”

“I...sure hope so.”

Komaeda almost says something else, but Hinata just ruffles his hair, making him flush also quite brilliantly.

“Still. Thanks, Komaeda.”

“O-Oh, it’s nothing...” Komaeda stammers a little. “It’s really nothing, Hinata-kun!”

“Still. I really, really appreciate it.”

_I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen from now on._


	4. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prompt for this one was "Awakened Hinata", referring to Chapter 6 but that's like...really hard to write about so I just went with "Future" for the most part although Hinata is definitely...awake. Kamukura is, too. Neither of them are all too happy about it.
> 
> But they're both managing. Somehow.
> 
> Since this one focuses on recovery, it's pretty heavy and Hinata's not in a great place both physically and emotionally. I feel like he'd be in a pretty dire state considering uh, everything, so...yeah. He's still managing somehow. But only barely.
> 
> Haha. Bare.
> 
> In terms of ships, it's pretty light. Some KomaHina, some past MatsuKamu and past HinaNami but not much. Sonia and Hinata have a relationship that's so underrated and under-explored. There's some soul friends too for just, because.
> 
> This is probably the loosest I get with the prompts. I hope you enjoy anyway?

He has another nightmare, waking up in a cold sweat, fingers digging into stringy long, dark hair. His head hurts so bad that he groans, and he curls in on himself, face buried in hands.

_This is pathetic. You can’t keep doing this, Hajime._

“F... Fuck... God... Fucking...”

_You’re supposed to **face your future.**_

“S-Shut up...”

_It’s not just what she would’ve wanted, **it’s what everyone expects.**_

“Shut up! J-Just... Please shut up.” Hinata chokes out a tiny whimper. “Please... _Please_.”

Cold silence drags on.

* * *

Waking up had been difficult on all of them. His hair keeps growing out. Sonia, at the very least, is always willing to cut it for him. As per usual, he’s knocking on her door. She answers fairly quickly.

She really is reliable. And kind, even with how tired her smile is.

“Goodness, Hinata-san, it really does grow fast.”

“Y... Yeah it does.” Hinata shrugs helplessly, blowing the fringe from his face. “Sorry... Maybe I should just start tying it back?”

“Mm...” Delicately, Sonia brushes the long strands from his eyes. She takes in how both of his eyes are a murky red. “Hinata-san... You may do whatever you wish with it. It’s not my place to tell you...”

Hinata swallows, recognizing the way she trails off.

“...but?”

“But.” Sonia’s already pitiful smile wilts. “I cannot help but worry about you, as a friend.”

“Yeah,” Hinata says, voice dying a little. “The others worry, too. Kuzuryuu always says _not to fucking worry about it_.”

For a moment, his voice shifts into Kuzuryuu’s grumbling so impeccably that Sonia jumps.

“...it still is quite a surprise that you can do that.”

Hinata shrugs again, too tired to even really think about it anymore.

“Yeah... Sometimes talents seep out. It...” He rubs his temple with a wince. “It hurts...but it’s not that bad. At least I’m...still here?”

_Although I feel like broken pieces of porcelain hastily glued back together, with chunks still missing. Aw, geez._

“Oh, Hinata-san.” Sonia tucks his hair back. “I am so sorry. I feel so useless being unable to help you.”

“You do enough,” he replies, taking her hand and squeezing. “I really mean it, Sonia. I really, really do.”

Sonia’s smile widens a little, but it’s little more than a weak flutter of her lips.

“I am...happy to hear that, at least.”

Squeezing his hand back with both of her own, Sonia begins to tug him away.

“Let’s go get it cut, Hinata-san.”

“Thanks... Really.”

* * *

Sometimes, the dreams are so lucid that he feels sick even when he knows it’s not real.

But still he remains, sitting in a chair, in a room that’s nothing but light and darkness.

“So boring,” the darkness murmurs.

“Face your future,” the light chides.

Hinata covers his ears as things blur and spin, spin, spin.

“Just...shut up. I don’t have any head-space for all this.”

He tries to lean back, and his chair would’ve toppled it over had Kamukura not been there to steady it. Crimson eyes bore into him, Kamukura’s hair falling like a curtain, writhing and threatening to suffocate him.

“I especially don’t have any room for you,” Hinata sneers, beyond irritated. “This isn’t your body. It’s mine. Get _out_.”

“You were the one who agreed to forfeit it.” Cold crimson narrows, sharp like a dagger. “Did you truly forget? You were not unaware of the risks. You still carried through. For the sake of a pipe dream.”

Those hands tighten on his chair, and Hinata can distantly hear the splintering of wood, the screeching of bending metal.

“I was tricked into it,” he says blankly. “Hope’s Peak...tricked me.”

“Do you really believe that?” Kamukura asks him. “You do not. They took advantage of your pathetic desperation, true, but in the end, you consented to what you knew would destroy you. And for what?”

Hinata doesn’t answer that. Kamukura, however, does.

“For talent. For pride. For the recognition and sake of worthless people who did not even care. Not truly. And not even just those things.” Something writhes under him. An indistinguishable mass that rumbles and shifts before clinging to his feet. As if with the intention of pulling him down. “You hated what you were. Foolish. So beyond foolish. You really are a despicable, wretched thing, Hinata Hajime. What future could someone like _you_ hope to have?”

“I...”

Without thinking, Hinata takes one of those hanging locks from Kamukura’s hair, and thoughtlessly twirls it around.

“Honestly... I don’t really hope for anything, anymore. What’s even the point?”

For that, Kamukura has no answer. Neither of them do. That’s fair, Hinata supposed.

“Nanami said to face the future...but that’s easy for her to say, isn’t it.”

_Drip. Drip._

“It’s not she’ll be here, right. Not a chance. There’s no saving _her_.”

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

Hinata sighs.

“So...what’s the point again? Why should I bother? Hey... You’re supposed to know everything, right, Kamukura Izuru? You’re supposed to know everything. There’s nothing you can’t do so... Tell me. What’s the point...of facing the future?”

Kamukura lets go of his chair.

“Get out.” Hinata barely whispers it, voice low and tight. “If you really can’t do something that fucking simple, then... Just get the _hell_ out.”

* * *

When he finally wakes, he ends up scrambling into the bathroom to throw up.

_Pathetic_.

**_Pathetic_**.

His head hurts so bad it’s agonizing, and, honestly, that’s fair. He hates himself, and it’s pretty deserving that Kamukura Izuru hates him too.

When he wipes off his mouth, his hand is smeared with blood. Hinata grimaces and checks his ears. They’re ringing, but they’re not bleeding. Maybe he cut his throat. Maybe it’s an ulcer.

Something dribbles from his nose. He wipes it, and his hand is stained even redder.

“...ah. It could also be that. Yeah. Of course.”

Hinata sits back, shoulders hunching.

“Urgh... I really am a mess.”

_It hurts. It really does hurt._

But he’s going to have to clean himself up. He doesn’t want the others to worry too much, after all. They already worry enough as it was.

“...not to mention... I have work to do.”

_Everyone else...isn’t going to wake up without help. I need to..._

* * *

“Uh, everything seems stable, I think,” Souda grumbles, scratching irritably at his scalp. Hard enough to peel skin if not for the beanie. “Still, it’s just...that. Just stable. No signs of stirring to life or anything. Not even any signs of at least _some_ kind of change.”

“It can’t be helped,” Hinata replies, voice clipped as he observes the monitors. “Their conscious really is buried deep...and it’s difficult to shift through such sensitive material.” He checks the codes. “Something like that.”

“You sound so clinical,” Souda gripes. “Have you been getting any sleep, dude? You seem pretty, uh...out of it. I don’t think that eye color of yours is healthy, either.”

Hinata rubs his eyes, sighing. He traces the bags underneath.

“If it’s like, nightmares or insomnia, uh, there’s pills for that,” Souda tries to offer. “They work pretty alright for me although Kuzuryuu rides my ass about taking too many, haha. Something about, uh, overdosing...”

“If you overdosed, matters would be made considerably more difficult in your absence.” Hinata doesn’t miss a beat. “So do be more careful.”

Souda shivers, likely from the chill in the air.

“Geez, man, you almost sound like someone else. Hey, you’re...really Hinata, right...?”

He is quiet.

“I am Hinata Hajime. Yes.”

“That’s...a pretty stiff response, no offense.”

“Hinata Hajime. That is I. I...” He blinks a few times. “I am not...anyone else... Anyone except for myself. Hinata Hajime.”

He jumps when Souda pats his shoulder. Just when did Souda pull away from the pod to make his way over here?

“Hinata,” he says, voice low. “Get some rest, bro. I’ll handle it from here.”

“B-But I...!” Hinata stops himself, because Souda looks solemn, serious, and too tired to argue. Hinata can only hesitate before ducking his head in shame. “Fine... Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it!” Souda pats his shoulder some more, flashing a toothy grin. “Just, please, get some rest! You look like you’ll end up falling to your death at this rate...!”

“R-Right...” Hinata nods helplessly as his hands tighten into fists. “R-Right.”

_Goddammit._

* * *

“You really should take it easy,” Kuzuryuu says.

“You should eat more, too,” Owari says.

“Please do not concern yourselves with us,” Sonia says.

“Just...take care of yourself, okay bro?” Souda asks.

“...right...”

His head hurts.

* * *

In the end, he finds himself with a certain pod. More isolated than the rest. Left in the cold dark, like a forgotten doll in the attic. It’s still attached to all the same tech as the others, it’s just... Very out of the way.

“If you saw any of this, you’d probably be real disappointed, huh. _Is that really your hope?_ Something like that.” The words should sound like Komaeda, but honestly, Hinata can’t hear it at all. He can’t even properly think of what Komaeda’s expression would be. His mind feels scrambled, his fingers twitchy. “I don’t even know, honestly. I’m not sure what you’d want by this point.”

_You said something about erecting a statue—you wanted to be called Ultimate Hope. **Ultimate... Hope.**_

“Take it,” he growled. “Take the damn fucking title. I don’t want it. Just _take_ it.”

He presses his hands into the cold glass, glaring into the still body that lied beneath. Komaeda was unaware, but serene as always. It really pissed him off.

“You...” It pissed him off, but he still ended up deflating. “You didn’t even think you had a future, huh? What must that be like, not really expecting anything from yourself? Not...really having anything expected from you, either. I envy you.”

_I’m such a fucking idiot. If I just hadn’t signed those damn papers, I wouldn’t be in this mess._

**_Is that really true?_ ** _They could have easily gotten some other schmuck to do it. I would just be dead, probably. Dead and then **forgotten** **about** , like I **never even mattered.**_

“...which is what I deserve. You’re right, Komaeda. I really...didn’t know my place at all. I should’ve stayed in line. For my own sake. But... I can’t do that anymore. I can’t go back.”

_I can only move forward. I don’t want to, though. Even if she’ll just push me, I want to dig in my feet._

“You would probably push me, too. You’re so merciless...so cruel...and malicious...”

Hinata folds his arms as he buries his face, sighing out heavily.

“Hey... You ruined so much, so... I think... It’d only be fair if you were forced to face the future with me.”

* * *

“That goes for you, too.”

Kamukura still wouldn’t look at him.

“That whole mutual killing? That was your fault.”

Hinata wanted to throttle him, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a deep breath.

“It’s only fair that you move forward. With me. That you fix everything. With all of us. That you join us...in bringing the others back. Everyone. Even Komaeda. Even if it can’t be Nanami.”

“I do not have a choice,” Kamukura murmured lowly. “So I suppose I must.”

Hinata grimaces, and then he curses, running his fingers through his hair.

“Hey, uh... You’re the same, right?” He hesitates. “You...knew what was happening...what Hope’s Peak was going to do to you, and you allowed it because you didn’t feel like you had a choice. And, in the end—you had to have someone you cared about stripped away from you. Someone that...you couldn’t have ever saved... Because they...”

“Matsuda Yasuke was a fool,” Kamukura droned. “And Nanami Chiaki was also hopeless from the start.” A pause. “But... I could have saved him. You did not have a chance with that program, but... Matsuda Yasuke was different.”

“Still...” Hinata grumbled. “We both have someone who...would rather we move on...or whatever. So we should...join forces. I mean, we’re already in the same body.”

“Boring,” Kamukura said. “So boring.”

He says that, but Hinata still squeezes his hand tightly.

“Let’s face the future,” he says. “You and me. Because we don’t have anything else. Even if there’s no point—there doesn’t have to be one. The thing about the future is that it’s _uncertain_.”

“Is that really your idea of reassuring, Hinata Hajime?” Kamukura asked, dryly and unimpressed. “You really, truly are a disappointment.”

“But...” The light was so bright around them that it hurt. “There are...people I do want to see, even if it can’t be her. And...that’s the same for you, isn’t it?”

No response. But Kamukura does, in fact, squeeze his hand in return.

“We’re the same, so... So... We should face the future... The same. That’s what I can’t help but think.”

“If we must,” Kamukura murmurs quietly.

Things begin to blur. Things get brighter.

“Then we _shall_.”


	5. World Destroyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's set to destroy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the one I really wanted to write and I still want to write more World Destroyer stuff because the OVA's premise is just...so, so, so good. I want to play with it more and more. I really love the OVA.
> 
> The World Destroyer is pretty interesting, too, for what he is. I wish he had a shorter name though, mmgh. I also don't necessarily see him as the same as Kamukura, even if his personality is similar. But I still ship him and Komaeda because I have no shame.
> 
> Their relationship is pretty weird though. World Destroyer definitely is just acting as a proxy, for one thing, and also I legit only believe he looks the way he does because he's in Komaeda's dream world. God, the psychological implications... I love it.

It was to be New Year’s soon in this world. Such was the case for reality, as well, although his master is hardly feeling festive for the occasion.

“Status report on Komaeda Nagito,” was the clipped order.

“Stable but still unreachable. Shall I perform another deep dive? How should I proceed?”

“Urgh...” His master rubs his mismatched eyes with his palms, shoulders hunching. He is not programmed to equip with this, so he merely stays silent as his master sighs. “I...don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on in there, after all.”

“Master, if you wish to know...”

“Don’t,” his master snarls. “Actually tell me. That’s not something I need to know. Only...convey necessary information, Alter Ego.”

“Very well,” he replies.

“Proceed to the Deep Dive. For now, make observations.”

“Very well.”

With that, he slipped away.

* * *

He shifts through the world with ease, weaving between the seams in a way that goes unnoticed by the denizens, by the subconscious that is Komaeda Nagito’s mental barriers.

“So are we getting together for the festival at the shrine?” The representation of Souda Kazuichi asks. “The others are gonna be there. Even Miss Sonia...! H-How do you think she’ll look in her kimono?”

“She’ll just be in a kimono.” The representation of Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko retorts with an irritated face. “It’s hardly a big deal.”

“H-Hardly...?! This kind of thing only happens once a year!”

“You already know what she looks like in a yukata.”

“Yes and she looked like an absolute angel!”

Komaeda Nagito laughs at that.

“It’s going to be a lot of fun,” he says. “Being with everyone when the New Year starts, I mean. That’s what I’m looking forward to.”

“That’s what matters,” Kuzuryuu says, shooting Souda a sharp look, to which he flinches.

“I-I know that...!”

“Then aaaaact like it!”

“U-Urgh...”

Komaeda Nagito’s smile warms and widens as the two bickers.

“Being with everyone...really will be so nice...”

“But will it really _be_ everyone?” he asks him, murmuring to his ear and earning Komaeda Nagito to freeze up and shiver.

“A- _Ah_...?!”

“Komaeda?!”

“O-Oi, Komaeda, what’s wrong?!”

“I... Um...” Komaeda is looking around helplessly, blushing as he covers his ear. “Sorry, I...must have imagined it.”

“Jeez, don’t scare us like that, man!” Souda complained. “The way you jumped actually freaked me out a little!”

“Don’t be such a wimp,” Kuzuryuu gripes before turning a gently concerned stare towards Komaeda. “If something’s rubbing ya the wrong way, just stick close, alright?”

“I... Okay, Kuzuryuu-kun...” Komaeda’s hand drops as he nods. “Thank you... Sorry for the trouble. It really is nothing. Nothing at all.”

Alter Ego observes, eyes cold.

* * *

“Nothing of note,” he informs his master. “Time and events continue to play out within the simulated realm even as his physical form remains in stasis. It is...”

“Boring,” his master finishes tiredly. “It’s so...boring.”

“Yes...”

His master sighs, rubbing at his nape and then stretches out, joints popping from disuse. He leans back, staring blearily at the ceiling.

“For my next deep dive, I can once again attempt to pull him out. If that fails, I can delve even further, into the innermost layer.”

“But that increases the risk of mentally breaking him, right,” His master murmurs before shaking his head. “Everyone else is already awake. And they are recovering at a steady rate. We can afford to be careful with Komaeda.”

“If that is how it shall be,” he replies. “So, then...what do you expect me to do?”

His master hesitates.

“...continue monitoring him. And... See if there is a way to sway him towards us. That will be all for now, Alter Ego.”

“Very well, master.”

* * *

“Oi, Komaeda, you’re late! Well, thank fucking god you’re still in one piece!”

“Sorry, sorry! I actually did hurt my leg though, haha...”

“Shit, that explains the limping. Tsumiki will be here in a bit and she always carries first aid with her, so just rely on us for now, alright?”

“T-Thank you... Yes, of course, ehe...”

He watches coldly as Komaeda clings to their arms, allowing them to awkwardly steady him as he is lead to the bench to sit down. He’s hobbling, so their arms are wrapped around his back to keep him from toppling over. The two falsehoods are careful with him, with lowering him down, and stand closer than necessary as if meaning to protect him should anything unknown approaches.

It is boring. So boring.

“Please don’t feel the need to wait around with me,” Komaeda says, laughing weakly and quietly, waving his hand. “I’ll be fine on my own, ehe.”

“Are ya sure?” Kuzuryuu asks warily. “Even if nothing happens, you get lonely.”

“I’m not a child, Kuzuryuu-kun.” Komaeda’s eyes are bright, smile serene. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

Kuzuryuu scowls, rubbing at his nape and hesitating. Souda elbows him.

“It’s no big deal,” he says. “We can go get him some snacks or something.”

“...fine.” A sigh before Kuzuryuu waves his finger. “Stay _here_. Don’t go wandering off.”

“Of course not,” Komaeda chirps cheerily. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Satisfied by that, Kuzuryuu allows himself to be dragged off, even if he still fusses about it. Watching his two ‘friends’ leave with a look of undeniable fondness, Komaeda was rubbing idly at his injured ankle, shifting uncomfortably in his kimono, tugging at the robe in places.

Komaeda sighs, wincing a little now that he’s out of sight.

“Even here, you internalize things.”

Komaeda snaps up, eyes growing large as he perks up. He stands before him and this time, Komaeda seems confused by his appearance. It is likely shifting, almost imperceptible.

“Um...” Komaeda give a puzzled smile. “Who...are you, exactly?”

“What is your wish?”

“E... Excuse me?” That smile of his strains.

“Your wish,” he repeats, lowly and coldly. “What is the wish you plan to make for the New Year? What is it that you hope will happen?”

“I... Um... I’m not sure why you’re asking me that, but... I don’t...really have a wish, except for more happiness, for others.” Komaeda shuffles, deeply unsettled. “It’s the same one I made for Tanabata... But really, I’m just expecting the same fortune as always... It’s never terribly good, but, that’s a good thing. The unluckier I am, the luckier everyone else is. Isn’t that such a wonderful thing?”

“You really are...so self-sacrificing.” Komaeda blinks at him. “Selfless...but also selfish.”

“Do I know you...?”

“No,” he replies. “You do not, even if you may know this appearance. It is _his_ , correct? Even though he has no place in your world—you want to see _him_ more than anyone else.”

“Listen,” Komaeda cuts in, voice shaking a little now. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Is that really true?”

Before Komaeda can answer, someone calls out.

“Oiiii, Komaeda, I just wanted to ask if...” The false Souda Kazuichi skids to a stop, expression morphing into unease and suspicion. “Oi, is this guy giving you trouble?”

“You summoned a barrier,” he observes, unimpressed. “How boring. It looks like words alone really will not do a thing.”

“Look, man,” Souda growls. “I-I don’t know who the hell you are, but you really should leave Komaeda the hell alone.”

“Komaeda Nagito.” Komaeda perks up, shivering a little. “There is much in the way. This is pointless. Boring.”

“...um...?”

“I shall take my leave. Forget all about this. It should not be difficult.”

Before Komaeda can respond, he has already disappeared.

* * *

“In order to reach Komaeda Nagito, more drastic measures will have to be taken, master.”

His master had his face buried in his arms.

“...how drastic are we talking, Alter Ego?”

“The simulated world is acting as one big barrier,” he says. “To get to Komaeda Nagito, it must be stripped away. Piece by piece if necessary.”

“I see...” His fingers dig in deep. “Komaeda really can’t help but make matters unnecessarily difficult, huh.”

“I will do whatever it takes to retrieve him, master.”

“Then...” A deep breath. “Do whatever it takes, Alter Ego.”

“Very well, master.”

* * *

The bell is being rung. Komaeda has received his fortune, foretelling a great disaster. He laughs as Souda whoops over his much more favorable fortune. The bell is being rung.

“Are you sure your foot is feeling better?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!”

“If it’s not, I’m sure someone can just carry him, haha.”

“I-It’s really fine!”

“Ohhh man, look at that! The line for candy-making stand has finally cleared up! Let’s hurry!”

“What are you, a kid?!”

“Ehehehe...”

Komaeda Nagito really does look happy.

“...how boring.”

As if sensing the atmosphere, heads begin to turn in his general direction. More and more of the crowd begins to regard him with suspicion. And then, with disdain.

They are beginning to close in on him as Komaeda continues chatting amicably with his ‘friends’.

There is but a small window of opportunity were his hand forms the shape of a gun, and he takes aim.

“Supposedly this candy-making thing is like, craaaazy popular with the girls,” Souda is saying. “Do you think Miss Sonia would like one?”

“She might’ve already gotten one,” Kuzuryuu is replying. “I think Peko—yama saw her in line earlier.”

“Would Pekoyama like one?”

“W-What the hell are you asking me that for...?”

“They’re really popular with Mioda-san,” Komaeda is musing. “It’s hard to not see why. With the glassy colors and various shapes... They really are quite beautiful, don’t you think? Almost too pretty to eat.”

“Just have Koizumi take a picture, then.”

“It won’t quite be the same thing, Souda-kun.”

Souda snorts, “I mean if you just want to keep it, I guess there’s nothing wrong with—”

**_Bang._ **

Blood splatters onto Komaeda’s face and kimono. Someone screams as Souda crumbles.

Chaos follows.

_How boring._

* * *

But what was not boring was—

“What are you doing?”

Komaeda takes a shaky step forward, stepping around one of the various corpses, shivering and holding himself tightly, digging fingers bleeding wrinkles into his kimono.

“Why are you doing this?”

“You did not run,” he observes, and steps forward, reaching for him. “Did you remember...?”

Komaeda smacks his hand away.

“...who are you?”

Komaeda meets his cold stare with a colder glare.

“You aren’t supposed to _be_ here. Y-You...destroyed everything...”

_Destroyed, huh?_

“This world is one that needs to be destroyed,” he says. “And I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve my mission.”

Komaeda laughs softly, brokenly.

“This world...? Your mission? What are you even saying?” He’s trembling. “What you’re doing is...so, so cruel...”

He steps forward again, reaching out. This time, Komaeda does nothing as his cheek is touched, as the blood splattered is smeared by a thumb stroking over the delicate curve.

“...I will have to go deeper after all,” he murmurs. “Right now, you are still too shielded.”

Komaeda blankly meets his gaze.

“But you are close,” he goes on. “You are much closer than before. I wonder if this will give my master hope, then. I am closer to fulfilling his wishes. I wonder if that will give him hope.”

“Well...” Komaeda speaks slowly, voice low with only the slightest hint of a quiver. “I wouldn’t know anything about that. What good can come from this? You do realize, right, that my talent takes away everything? Talent really is such a wretched thing.”

Komaeda presses into his touch, sighing.

“But... If anyone could at least do something... It would be that person, right?”

He is quiet. A trembling smile pulls across Komaeda’s lips.

“...keep going, then.”

“I will,” he says quietly and grips Komaeda’s throat.

* * *

“One more deep dive. It will just take one.”

“One more,” his master echoes. “Whatever it takes. Destroy everything if you have to. Piece by piece, until nothing else remains. Just... Bring him back, Alter Ego.”

“Yes, master.”

“...”

“Is there something else you would like to say?”

“The form you take...when you enter that world...” His master bites the inside of his cheek, no doubt picking at it with his teeth. “What... No.” He shakes his head. “No, it doesn’t matter.”

He does not answer.

“Alter Ego,” his master says, voice and expression hardening. “Proceed to deep dive.”

“Yes, master. Komaeda Nagito will be returned to you very soon.”


	6. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he waits with his lover as the others prepare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one parallels Island Vacation in that it's mostly my ship dicking around, albeit post-khen so Kamukura's there, too, lol. It's a lot of meandering but it was still fairly fun to write, I think.
> 
> Noooot sure what else to say here. My head's all foggy. I managed to complete this one and the last chap in time somehow and I have no idea what to think. I have a bit of a headache, though. =w=;;
> 
> Still I hope you enjoy~~

“Hinata-kun? Hinata-kuuuun?”

His nose is pressed, and Komaeda coos at him.

“It’s time to get up, Hinata-kun. You’ve slept in quuuuite a bit.”

“Mmmgh.”

“You really overdo it with all those talents,” Komaeda hums, ruffling his hair. “Being the world’s hope must be tough... Glad I never got into it, ehe!”

“It’s not even for the world, per say...” he groans, wincing as one hazel eye flutters open. Komaeda cups his cheek and pinches, making him scowl. “Oi, oi, the hell are you doing now?”

“Kamukura-kun’s still asleep,” Komaeda murmurs, leaning in and kissing him softly. “Kamukura-kun, you need to get up, too. You and Hinata-kun. Up, up.”

The crimson eye opens, and the expression Komaeda is given is a terribly unimpressed one.

“There we are! Good morning!” Komaeda beams in a way that’s aggravatingly difficult to scowl at. “Hey, hey, do you know what day it iiiiis?”

“...the last day of the year,” was the dully given response. “What about it?”

“Yes! And even though we don’t have a shrine, everyone’s getting together today! It’ll be a party to welcome the new year of the new world without despair!” Komaeda waves his hands in delight. “Isn’t that fun? Isn’t that wonderful?”

_The new year...of the new world...without despair._

“The world is still being rebuilt,” he points out, rubbing his head. “Are Naegi and the others...”

“Mmm, Sonia-san did invite them. Dunno if they’ll make it, unfortunately. They’ve been super, super busy...” A pause. “Did you know there’s a cult that worships Kamukura-kun? Crazy, huh. Well, better taste than...the other one, I suppose.”

“I was aware,” Kamukura replied, voice clipped. “It does not interest me.”

“Of course it doesn’t,” Komaeda replies, cheery and fond. “But I just found it amusing, Kamukura-kun.”

“You have an eccentric sense of humor, as per usual. How...”

“Boring?”

“Quaint.” And then, Hinata cuts in. “But it’s whatever. That’s just how you are.”

Komaeda’s eyes twinkled.

“Come on,” he says, prodding the other’s cheek some more with a mechanic, whirling finger. “If you just stay in bed all day, you’re going to miss all the festivities. Do you really want that?”

“I don’t really care. I can afford extra sleep.”

Komaeda pinches his nose.

“You’ve already slept in so much! I’m worried that sleeping more will render you comatose!”

“It’s fiiiiine, Komaeda.” Hinata pushes his hand away. “Don’t worry so much. You’re way too pushy.” He pinches Komaeda’s nose back, earning a distorted squeal. “Just what the hell made you so audacious anyway? I’m starting to think you’re getting a little too spoiled.”

“Waaah, Hinata-kun! Kamukura- _kun_!” He continues to whine as his cheeks are pulled. “Aah, so cold...!”

Rather than response, he’s pulled into a secure, warm embrace.

“A-Ah...!”

He’s nuzzled and squeezed, causing the heat in his cheeks to rise exponentially.

“Let’s stay like this. Please?”

“Mmm...”

Sighing, Komaeda buried his face, wrapping his arms around the other in return.

“Fine. But only for a little while.”

* * *

“So the boat should arrive here pretty soon with the rest... For now, though, I’m in charge of...staying out of the way! Ahaha...”

“And they won’t let _me_ work at all,” Hinata grumbled, rolling his eyes. “The others really can be stubborn sometimes.” He sips at his coffee, grimacing. “Well, whatever. It can’t be helped.”

Komaeda giggles some more. “Well, it’d be unfair to rely purely on you when this is partially a celebration in your honor.”

“I just worry that they’ll get into trouble,” Hinata says, tapping his fingers irregularly on the table. “Tsumiki’s gotten less clumsy but... Mioda and Souda put together tends to spell disaster... Saionji said she’d keep a look out with Koizumi but... Mm... Nidai and Owari can get pretty...spirited...”

“It’s so wonderful that everyone can work together,” Komaeda says, sighing wistfully. “How I wish I could be there to witness it...! But, I’m still banned from party planning until further notice, aha. Fair.”

“It’s because your luck acts up when I’m not around,” Hinata pointed out. “So it’s my fault, not yours. Sorry, Komaeda. You must be really bored having to be stuck here with me.”

Komaeda shakes his head, tracing the rim of his teacup.

“Not at all. I’m fine with this. I get to keep you all to myself for a little while longer.”

“Yeah...” _Whatever that entails, considering the hodgepodge of a person that I am._ “Mm...”

Contemplative, Hinata finishes his coffee, setting the mug aside. Because it’s just the two of them for now, things are quiet. Komaeda is humming ever so softly, expression serene. Except, there’s a shimmer in his gaze that looks thoughtful.

“Last year, I was captured by children and had to spend New Year’s with them,” he muses. “But it was a lot of fun, actually. They had their own stands and games set up. I had to service them the entire time, but... Seeing them enjoy themselves was nice. I hope they’re all doing alright.”

“One of them is still in space,” Hinata mutters, gaze averting briefly. “But I’m sure...they’re fine. Naegi said the others were rescued.”

“Yes. That’s good.” Komaeda really was cheerful. Upbeat, even. So much so that it was a little eerie. “What about you? You seem deep in thought, too.”

“I...” He rubs his eye, the crimson one to be precise. “There are times where I, too, am lost in my memories. None of them are that pleasant. Even the happier ones are tinged with melancholy. I am always reminded of loss. It is tiring. Boring.”

“Kamukura-kun...” Komaeda’s smile twitches. “We’re rather similar, too, I can’t help but think.”

“That is not a good thing,” Kamukura murmurs. “It is troubling to hear, in fact. That and I disagree. You are—very different.”

“Well, of course I’m still different.” Komaeda’s cheeks puff out. “You can tell that just from appearances! But, I still think we’re similar. We’ve both lost a lot due to the very nature of things, ehe.” Back to bright cheer, as if nothing was amiss. “We’ve lost so much to the point where even the reason to continue existing eluded us. I guess...you could say... We both knew despair rather well.”

“...” Kamukura’s eye shuts. “But for that reason, we ended up knowing hope, as well. Although that’s not necessarily a good thing.”

“It’s better,” Komaeda chirps, making a bit of a face. “Even if it’s a little twisted. The world itself is pretty twisted, but... There are those still trying. And I think—in the upcoming year, we’ll see a lot of rectifying, a lot of rebuilding. That’ll be nice to see.”

“...mm...”

“You’re supposed to be the Ultimate Hope and you’re like this,” Komaeda laughs almost sardonically. “It almost feels like a cruel joke.”

“Considering the circumstances, this conclusion was an obvious one from the start.”

Komaeda was quiet, only inhaling and giving a soft exhale. His mechanical hand whirls as he fiddles with it.

“...I suppose it was.” Komaeda turns away from him. “Still... I’m glad things turned out this way. It may have been the worst luck building up, but—meeting you was definitely a blessing.”

He flinches at that. Without thinking, he grabs Komaeda’s hand and squeezes. Even if the circuitry isn’t designed to register that kind of pressure, Komaeda still perks up and Komaeda still smiles at him gently.

“I love you.”

“I... Y-Yeah...” Swallowing, he kisses those metal fingers. “I... I-I love you, too... So... So much.”

* * *

There’s a ship in the distance, and Komaeda instinctively presses closer to him. Partially due to the cold, partially due to nerves. Komaeda tends to vibrate when he’s anxious, and Hinata strokes his palm.

The two of them wait, and slowly but surely, the ship arrives.

“Hinata-san!” Golden blond strands fly through the air. Rapid footsteps. Komaeda steps back briefly so that Sonia doesn’t take them both down when she tackles Hinata into a tight embrace. “It is so good seeing you again...!”

“Sonia... Hey.” Hinata offers a small, wry smile. “I’m surprised you even made it.”

“It’s only for a little while,” she says. “Apologies; I will have to leave almost immediately once festivities are over. But! Until then!” She pumps her fist. “Let’s have a damn fucking good time!”

“How exciting!” Komaeda cheers before perking up and waving. “Oh, oh, Imposter-san! Over here, over here!”

“...Komaeda-kun.”

“Hello, hello! And to Mitarai-kun, too!”

Mitarai nods stiffly, even as he remains closer to the Imposter.

“Mioda’s probably prepared a welcome back ballad,” Hinata says, rubbing at his nape. Unsurprisingly, Sonia’s eyes sparkle upon hearing the news. “She’s been working uh, pretty hard on her concert...”

“How exciting! Oh, I do hope Mioda-san incorporates the Novoselic pipes I have introduced her to! They’re just...the explosion!”

“The bomb?” Hinata asks as Komaeda blinks a few times.

“Right on!” Sonia exclaims and claps her hands. “We must go meet right away! Right this instance! Slice, slice!”

“Chop, chop,” Hinata sighs as Komaeda claps.

“Hell to the fuck yeah!”

Komaeda giggles, and Hinata supposed that as exasperating as it all was, the mood was a good one.

* * *

Of course, him and Komaeda still ended up barred from entry as Sonia’s group waltzed right in.

“Preparations still aren’t done!” Koizumi informed them harshly. “So until then, you two need to stay out!”

“Yeah! Don’t make me stomp your eyes out!” Saionji exclaimed, to which Komaeda could only laugh helplessly.

“Uwah, how scary... I guess we have no choice...”

“I could march in,” he says, voice sharp and mismatched eyes narrowed. “Right now. Neither of you would be able to stop me.”

“Don’t threaten us!” Koizumi scolded as Saionji brought up her fists.

“K-Kamukura-kun!” Komaeda gasps, clinging onto him. “Hinata-kun, no! Let’s just go! Come on!”

He allowed Komaeda to pull him away, grumbling as Saionji made faces at his back. He finally just sighs after a while.

“...they really are all so troublesome, aren’t they...”

“They’re overzealous, but they really do care about you,” Komaeda replies, smile pleading. “I suppose that’s a little hard to think sometimes.”

“...yeah...” He sighs again. “Whatever. It’s best to just...let them do whatever...”

“Ehehe... Hey.” Komaeda tugs at his hand. “What do you think we’re all going to do next year?”

“Besides what we’ve been doing?” he asks. “It’s going to take a while, probably this upcoming year and the next...and the one after that.”

“Besides all that,” Komaeda says.

“Hmm...” He thinks it over. “Not really sure...”

“Is there anything you want to do?” Komaeda asks. “Either of you?”

“...” Neither of them really have an answer for that. “Mm...”

Komaeda hums in return. “For me, I want to read more, I think. Do you have any menial goals like that?”

“Not...really.” He shivers. “No... Sorry.”

“Then maybe that can be your goal,” Komaeda says. “Figuring out your simpler desires. The fundamentals are important, too, after all. Although my suggestion is just trying to shower regularly. Or brushing your teeth.”

He snorted at that, running his fingers through his hair before he couldn’t help but just...laugh.

“You really are something, Komaeda Nagito.”

“I’m not much,” Komaeda replies. “You know that already.”

He bites his lower lip and then shakes his head.

“...I was wrong. On both accounts. You’re not...too much, but you’re also more than not much.”

“What clumsy wording.”

“I-It’s the truth,” he stammered, a little huffy. “You get what I mean, right?”

Komaeda shrugs. “A little...maybe?”

“Maybe? Oi...”

“Oiiiiii! Hinata! Komaeda! So this is where you two were?!”

The two of them jumped.

“What are ya waiting around for, anyway?! Did you forget about the rest of us or what?!”

“W... We’ll be right there!” Hinata shouts back before grumbling. “Jeez... Whose fault even is it anyway...?”

“Everyone else’s goal right now is to give you a good time,” Komaeda says, locking arms with him. “Do you think they’ll succeed and thus we’ll start the new year on a wonderful note?”

“Hah?” Hinata flushes at the contact. “I... Maybe...? How am I supposed to know if I’ll have fun or not...?”

“You’re supposed to know everything!” Komaeda reprimanded. “And even if you didn’t, that’s just such a hopeless response! Boo on you!”

“How am I supposed to argue against that...?”

Komaeda pouts, but then he sighs.

“Goodness. You really are hopeless. But, that’s what everyone else is for.” With a giggle, Komaeda tugs him forward. “Now come on. Let’s go meet back up with everyone. Isn’t this nostalgic?”

_...like our first meeting._

Sucking in his breath, he could only smile back and nod.

“Let’s go, then.”


	7. Looking Back and Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he reflects and ponders the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter and first day of 2019! Yay, yay!
> 
> It's predictably gooey as one would expect with some introspection because y'all know I'm a big, big fan of that. I probably could've came up with something more plot-heavy, but honestly I'm pretty happy with this modest series of vignettes. It was a lot of fun to write and I'm glad that I did.
> 
> Thank you for reading. All I ask if that you take care~
> 
> ...but commenting certainly wouldn't hurt, aha.

“I just...wanted to be someone proud. Someone who could stand tall.”

“Someone special, correct?”

He nods glumly.

“You didn’t have to go that far,” she tells him kindly. “You were fine as you were.”

“I didn’t _feel_ fine,” he mutters bitterly. “Nothing felt fine, especially with how things turned out.” He shook his head. “Someone like me... I was doomed from the start.”

“You mustn’t think that way.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he sighs. “It really...doesn’t matter. Just look at how things turned out.”

She makes the saddest face and he could only laugh mirthlessly.

“Sorry... I’m...so sorry that I just couldn’t be happy... Nanami.”

* * *

“I had no desires, no dreams, no drive. I merely existed because others willed it.”

“But you still had your own thoughts, y’know. You weren’t a fucking robot with nothing on the mind but programming.”

For a while, he is quiet, contemplative before his vacant gaze flickers to the side.

“My thoughts...were not much. Everything was so boring. Not much even worth thinking about. Not really.”

The other scoffs. But then he laughs, coldly and brokenly.

“Yeah... That’s partially my fault, isn’t it? God, I...really screwed up with you.”

“And that is why I was necessary, right, right?” she asks cheerily, giggling. “You were so bored, so listless. Poor wittle senpai. You would’ve taken anything that gave you some sort of a thrill.”

“...it wasn’t your fault,” he ends up saying to the other, before turning blankly to her. “And you’re right. I was bored. So hopelessly bored. But...” He pauses for a moment more. “What is most to blame is my own arrogance working in tandem with my listlessness. Because I knew myself more capable, more than anyone or anything, I simply allowed things to happen. I let myself to pulled around and dragged about because I did not truly feel I had any stakes in the matter.”

When he finally meets the other’s gaze, it’s full of guilt and remorse, and he is not sure if his own gaze is reflective of that.

“I was foolish,” he said. “I did not realize how much I needlessly risked until you were lost, Matsuda.”

Matsuda’s frown deepens and then he sighs. Her expression is blank.

“That...was my own fault, too,” Matsuda mumbled. “You know that, right?”

“I do,” he says, and all of them are quiet. He brushes his hair back.

He takes a deep breath.

“I...as well...apologize.”

* * *

“And so what?” Komaeda asks, looking remarkably bored, cheek resting against her hand. “You’re sorry and that’s all fine and dandy but are you going to just leave it at that? How booooring.”

“You’re right,” he grumbles, running his fingers through his hair.

“You’re so arrogant,” Komaeda says, eyes blank, expression shadowed in a world of light. “So presumptuous. You still are. Why else would you continue to exist? Both of you forfeited that right. You both got so undeservedly lucky.”

“...yeah.”

“But isn’t that admirable?” Komaeda asks cheerily, playing with the chain now locked around his neck. “Now only did the underdog persevere, but you also completely turned the tables, huh? That’s incredible, no matter how you look at it.”

“It’s...not really something I can be impressed with,” he says, sighing. “Considering all that decision lead to.”

“What about all that?” Komaeda’s head tilts. “It’s not like it’s all your fault. You weren’t the one forcing the student council to kill each other. Although...” He smiles brightly. “I suppose everyone almost dying and getting possessed in the simulation—that _was_ your fault, ehehehe.”

“...”

“But it’s okay,” Komaeda goes on, hands open. “It’s not like everyone targeted in that was an innocent victim, right? You had all the reason in the world to hate us.”

“I did not hate you,” he snapped, unable to help it. “It was not like that.”

Komaeda simply smiles, unassuming and nonjudgmental.

“We don’t deserve a future either,” Komaeda then says, eyes falling shut. “With everything we’ve done, all that we’ve destroyed, all those we’ve hurt... We don’t deserve to live.”

“...letting you die or just killing you directly isn’t going to solve anything, either,” he points out. “There’s...been enough death and murder, don’t you think? Aren’t you tired?”

“I’m very tired,” Komaeda says serenely, and everyone else is behind him. “We all are.”

“But...you still shouldn’t give up,” she ends up speaking for him. “At least... I don’t think so.”

“That’s right,” he agrees quietly. “We shouldn’t give up.” He offers Komaeda his hand. “We should keep going. All that we’ve done—should motivate us to go forward so that we can much more properly rectify those mistakes.”

“That really is overly idealistic,” Komaeda giggles. “And so naïve. Do you really think I can believe in such words after everything that happened?”

Komaeda says that, but he still places his hand in his.

“ _Can_ you?” he can only ask.

“Only because I admire you so much,” Komaeda replies.

* * *

Sunlight is filtering through the window. It’s fairly late in the day, being early in the afternoon. His eyes open slowly and he squints blearily at the ceiling.

_...that was..._

Komaeda is snuggled up against his side, curled into him with a content little sigh. His mechanic hand rests against his chest, warm from body heat and sunshine.

Because Komaeda is atop his arm, it’s gone a little bit numb. But because Komaeda seems to comfortable, he doesn’t dare move to potentially stir him from his slumber. Instead, he continues to stare upwards, vision slowly and surely focusing.

There’s a low droning pain in his head. That’s gotten pretty normal for him. He just tolerates it at this point. It doesn’t really matter, after all.

_What’s important is... I don’t actually know. I have no idea. To continue working? To continue living? To keep going? Is that really all that there is?_

It’s bright out. Everything is softened by sunshine. Komaeda is warm and soft against him. There’s an afterglow.

“...it’s nice,” he can’t help but murmur, dazed and lower than a whisper. “It’s really nice. It’s one of those moments where you’re thankful to be alive.”

And isn’t that nice? Isn’t that so _wonderful_?

_...I suppose._

His head hurts. He uses his free hand to brush his fingers against the scarring. He thinks, for a moment, about how Komaeda lightly touched the scars with cold, delicate fingertips. How Komaeda’s eyes would be wide, lips parted to form a perfect circle. And then, how Komaeda would smile, palm pressing into Hinata’s cheek as the two of them kissed.

“...mmf.”

“Mm...” Komaeda shifts against him, face practically buried into his side. He sighs against his skin, and the sensation is one that sends his nerves on haywire. In that moment, he knows the exact saline concentration of Komaeda’s breath, and the exact temperature of his body. The exact rate of his heartbeat. The particles of skin flaking off. How Komaeda smacks his lips. How chapped and dry his lips are. How he shivers. How the fine hairs stand on end. How bones protrude. How, how, _how_ — “Hhh... Hajime...”

Hinata blinks once. Twice.

“...is that really me?”

“Iiii... Izuru...” Komaeda slurs next.

Blink. Blink.

“...is that accurate...?”

He’s aware, now, of just how rigid his body is, and how Komaeda seems to notice, too, with how Komaeda begins to stir awake.

“Mm... Hm?” He rubs his eye with the mechanic hand, and pushes himself up. The blanket flutters down the curvature of his back. “Did you have a nightmare?” Blearily, he pats Hinata’s face. “Dissociating?” Komaeda’s lashes fluttered. Blankly, Hinata reaches up and brushes off one of the fallen eyelashes from his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“I...do not know. I just don’t know...” He feels himself seize up. He feels himself shiver. “Hey... I’m...me, right?”

“You’re you,” Komaeda says softly. “You wouldn’t be anyone else except you.”

“Hah...” He sucks in his breath, and nearly struggles to do so. Komaeda tells him to breathe and thankfully, thankfully, he can at least do that much. “I really do feel out of it sometimes... Like I’m gonna fall to pieces or disappear if I’m not too careful.”

He throws an arm over his gaze.

“Am I Hinata Hajime? Kamukura Izuru? Both? Neither? Sometimes it’s like a million things are shouting at me at once and I feel beyond overwhelmed.”

“Mm...” Komaeda just rests his arms and cheek against his chest. “You should talk to a therapist about that. Let’s contact Naegi-kun and ask if he knows anyone, okay?”

“Urgh...” He groans. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Komaeda murmurs. “I’d be a hypocrite if something like this bothered me. Considering the moods I can get into...”

Without warning, he ends up remembering a Komaeda in despair, fingers tangled into his hair and screaming.

“...yeah...” His fingers card through Komaeda’s hair. “Still. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Komaeda pushes himself up, but still straddles him. “Oh. That’s right. I haven’t finished giving you your birthday gift.”

Predictably, he finds himself flushed.

“A-Ah... Huh?”

“Yeah. I ended up getting too drunk last night during the party.” Komaeda’s smile is apologetic as he lightly touches his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so bad. How will you ever forgive me?” There’s a teasing hint to his voice. “But it’s still your birthday, right?”

“I...” Shivering, he could only nod. “Y... Yeah... It is...”

“Then there’s still time!”

With that, Komaeda bounces off of him, hopping towards the drawer and rummaging through. Wincing, Hinata pushes himself up, trying to keep his eyes on the curly wisps of white as he rubbed his chest. Komaeda seems to find what he’s looking for, clasping it in his hands and skipping back up to him as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed. Komaeda presents his clasped hands, eyes sparkling as he opens them and exclaims,

“Happy birthday!”

Hinata blinks. Kamukura squints.

“It is a yen coin.” A remarkably old, one, too. Decades old. Discolored with age and cracked. A rare marvel for the Ultimate Coin Collector, but otherwise... “Just a coin.”

“It’s a lucky coin!” Komaeda bursts with, giddy. “I found it on the beach! After nearly drowning twice in a row! Isn’t it amazing?”

Hinata tries to smile, but it’s strained and pitiful. He still takes the coin, feeling its cold weight in its hand. Komaeda frowns.

“...aha... I thought it’d be a good gift. Money’s pretty hard to come by, after all, not that I’d want you to spend it...unless you want to.”

“I’m not going to spend your gift,” Hinata retorted quickly, insulted at the idea. “I’ll cherish it. Really.”

Komaeda fiddles with his fingers.

“...mm...”

“I remember,” Kamukura says suddenly. “You once picked a bundle of four-leaf clovers and tried to make bookmarks from them. I suppose, then, that I should have expected this from you.”

“It’s...good luck,” Komaeda explains rather lamely. “It’s good luck to make up for the fortune you bring me, no...just the fortune you bring. Because the fact that you exist, that both of you still exist—is the most fortunate, wonderful thing.”

He perks at that, blinking. Just like that, he squeezes the coin and it feels a little heavier.

“...thanks. Nagito.”

Nagito blushes quite darkly, but smiles so brightly that it puts the sun to shame.

“Hey... It’s the new year, right...?” Without thinking, he reaches out and entwines their fingers. “I was thinking...maybe later...maybe when things have settled down...that we...”

“Happy birthday!” Nagito chirps. “It’s the new year! How exciting!”

He snorts.

“Don’t change the subject so clumsily.”

He squeezes Nagito’s hand.

“You, uh, get what I’m implying, right?”

“Happy birthday, Hajime! Happy birthday, Izuru!”

Another squeeze.

“You totally know. You just don’t want to hear it.”

“Happy birthday!”

“Got it.”

He pulls Nagito into his embrace, arms wrapping tightly around him, feeling the way Nagito tenses before relaxing.

“...the world still needs lots of rebuilding,” Nagito murmurs against him. “Once we’re free from the shackles of our crimes... Then we should do whatever we want.”

He nods in agreement, even as his smile fades just a little, but he still holds Nagito close.

“That said...please stay with me until then,” Nagito goes on. “I’ll be grateful for your presence every single day.” A pause. “Well. Of course. You can always leave if you have to. I don’t want you to feel chained to me, after all.”

“I understand.” He kisses Nagito’s ear, taking in how the pale skin flushes. “Well. Sometimes I want you chained to me.”

“Oh. Should I give myself as a birthday gift, then?” Nagito asks, almost innocently.

“...I certainly wouldn’t complain if you did.”

Nagito laughs at that, and all he can think about is how he can’t wait to spend the rest of his future with this person.


	8. Extra Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he is revisited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end... I wanted more World Destroyer...so I whipped up this really fast. I felt bad for leaving him out in the last chapter...so here he is.
> 
> Yes.

Things are quiet and matters are going along smoothly. He has been working even more so than usual as of late, because his master has been tied up with festivities. The others presiding on this island are overzealous and very enthusiastic. It is no wonder that his master has been swept away.

That is a good thing, but also a bad thing. While his master needs a break, he also needs rest and he likely will not get it.

Still, he works quietly, and procedures thrum along. Simple routine. Everything is slow, but progressing at a steady rate. That is all that truly matters.

He is reaching the end of his usefulness. He will likely be deactivated soon. That is alright. He fulfilled his purpose with the Neo World Program. If not deactivated, he will be placed on standby for when the simulation’s services are once again necessary.

It would be better if they never are, and he knows this.

It is alright.

“...”

Someone has stumbled into one of the control rooms, and without even looking through the cameras, he knows who it is.

“Phew, phew...”

“You know,” he says, and Komaeda Nagito jumps at the sudden sound from the speaker. “You should not be here if you do not have a query.”

“K-Kamukura-kun...?!” Komaeda Nagito looks around wildly, but upon seeing the screen that his master usually uses to communicate, he blinks a few times. To see him in the place his master usually presides, rather than before him as an avatar in the simulation, is a remarkably different experience.

He supposes that is interesting.

Komaeda Nagito prods the screen.

“So this is what you look like normally.” His head tilts. “Alter Ego, right? But not... _That_ Alter Ego. I guess you’re... The World Destroyer?”

“Correct,” he answers. “That is I.”

Komaeda giggles and he seats himself in his master’s chair.

“Hinata-kun and Kamukura-kun didn’t give you an appearance! How disappointing!” His cheek rests on his mechanical hand. “But you have their voices. That’s interesting.”

“Is it?” He does not really think about that, nor does he truly care. “So why are you here? Master will worry if you stray far from his sight for long.”

“It’s just a small break, just a small break, ehehe...” Komaeda waves his hand with another laugh. “It’s...really noisy with everyone else. Even when I have nothing to worry about, I still don’t like loud places.”

“I see.”

Komaeda Nagito was like this in the simulation as well. Someone who liked being surrounded by people who cared for him—but still someone who would slip away on a moment’s notice for peace and quiet.

He has taken advantage of such tendencies in previous deep dives. He wonders if Komaeda Nagito remembers. It does not matter if he does.

“Then, I shall not bother you.”

“Wait.” Lightly, Komaeda touches the screen with his fingertips, tentative and uncertain. “I don’t mind speaking to you.”

He registers this remark.

“Curiosity? Is that all it is? How boring.”

“You really are closer to Kamukura-kun, huh...” Komaeda’s lips twist. “But that’s okay. It’s not like I was expecting any different.”

“...”

“I don’t want you to think you’re bothering me, though,” he says, hand pulling back. “Far from it.”

“You slipped away to be alone, only to end up talking to an artificial intelligence.” A pause. “Contradictory. Fickle. That is just how you are, Komaeda Nagito. Truth be told, I perhaps should have expected this.”

Komaeda chuckles into his hand.

“That’s right. You must know me pretty well, because you’ve been in my dreams, acting as a proxy for Hinata-kun and Kamukura-kun. You’ve seen some pretty embarrassing things.”

“What I saw were remnants of the truth which you wished to shield. While it may have been worlds of falsehoods, they were falsehoods born of your truest desires.”

Komaeda bites his lip. “That’s really, really embarrassing...”

“You still wish to avert your gaze from within? You really are boring.”

Komaeda sighs, tucking his hair back.

“...is this the result of your programming?” he asks. “Or is it because of Hinata-kun and Kamukura-kun?”

He does not have an answer to that.

“You really are like both of them,” Komaeda murmurs. “So sentimental even when it’s run its logical course.” He laughs. “I like you. Maybe not as much as them, but... I like you quite a bit. I’m grateful to you for assisting in my rescue, after all. From that fake world.”

“From yourself,” he replies.

“My weaknesses,” Komaeda clarifies. “I wish to move forward from now on. With Hinata-kun. And Kamukura-kun. The two I love very, very much.”

“Master wishes the same,” he says. “That much is a certainty.”

Komaeda smiles, but it’s not at anything in particular. His gaze is lowered, hooded, before slowly falling shut.

“What about you, Alter Ego? What are you going to do?”

“Whatever is requested of me,” he answers. “Nothing more, nothing less. As a program, I only exist to serve whatever purpose my master deigns me with.”

“I see...” Komaeda hums thoughtfully. “I asked the other Alter Ego this, too... The answer was...worded differently, but much less clinically.”

“Is that a problem, Komaeda Nagito?”

Komaeda shook his head.

“Not really. Unless you yourself are displeased with this situation, I suppose. But... I don’t think you are.”

“I am not,” he confirms. “You are correct.”

Komaeda’s smile brightens.

“That’s good to hear, at least,” he says. “Well, then, thank you for your continued hard work, Alter Ego. Please continue doing your best. I’ll be rooting for you!”

“...you should also be expecting it, Komaeda Nagito.”

“You really think so, ehe? But it’s much more considerate to encourage rather than expect.” Komaeda claps. “At least, that’s what I’ve been told. I can only assume it’s true. Social etiquette still escapes me from time to time.”

He is well aware of that. And he is well aware of him.

“That said, I have a really good feeling,” Komaeda adds. “If I were to receive a fortune, I bet it would be so absurdly optimistic that it would’ve made me despair at an earlier time. Now, however, I’m really looking forward to it.”

He does not remark on that, but Komaeda really does look happy. Much happier than before, likely because it is doubly real.

“It’s in part thanks to you,” Komaeda says. “And thanks to your ‘master’, as well.”

“...Master worries for you. Even now. But if you really do feel that way, then there may be nothing to worry about. That, too, I suppose is your ‘hope’.”

“Hope...really is a funny word when you say it like that, but...” Komaeda once again touches the screen. “If that’s really true, I feel at such a loss. To have this silly, gleeful optimism be what I had been seeking all this time. Goodness.” A laugh. “What terrible luck. Then I really do _deserve_ those two, don’t I?”

Komaeda pulls back, and stands up.

“I should return to them,” he says. “Before they worry too much.”

“Yes. You should.”

“Happy new year, Alter Ego. Please continue doing well.” Komaeda gives him a smile unlike the others. “Thanks again.”

“...take care of yourself, Komaeda Nagito. And take care of master, as well.”

“Ehehe.” Komaeda waves as he heads out. “I’ll try. Bye-bye.”

Just like that, Komaeda Nagito slips out of the room. He continues to watch over him, even then.

“...hm.”


End file.
